My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
