your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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