were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
