and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
