nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
