drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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