She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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