She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
