I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
