ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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