I think i peed on brittanys purse
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
