my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
