I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
