i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
