As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
