with your own penis?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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