Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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