When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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