You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
