Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
