He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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