Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
