Michael Bay diarrhea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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