I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
