Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
