You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
