watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
