He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
