u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
