They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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