Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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