I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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