ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
