My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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