Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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