i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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