I think I died a long time ago.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
