Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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