She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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