I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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