Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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