WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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