apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As shirtless as possible
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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