My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
