I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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