After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
