now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
COCAINE IS GR8
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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