when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
