I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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