That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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