captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
