If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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