I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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