He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
