i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
