The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
