when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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